USA:85 min, Argentina:85 min (Buenos Aires Festival Internacional de Cine Independiente)
Grave Robber, Sandwich
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I Sell the Dead is a 2008 horror comedy, the feature film debut from Irish director Glenn McQuaid. The film is a period horror comedy about grave robbing and stars Dominic Monaghan, Ron Perlman, Larry Fessenden and Angus Scrimm.
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While awaiting his execution for murder and grave robbery, Arthur Blake (Dominic Monaghan) is visited by Father Duffy (Ron Perlman), who wishes to obtain a statement from the condemned to be used as a cautionary tale. Arthur denies that he is a murderer, a crime for which his former partner, Willie Grimes (Larry Fessenden), has already been executed by guillotine. However, Blake freely admits to being a grave robber, and begins to recount his career with Willie.
Arthur became Willie's apprentice following the death of Blake's father, forcing the young man to find a job to support his family. Willie quickly taught him the skills necessary to steal corpses, both from graves as well as more risky locations, such as wakes. The job proved profitable on its face, but both Arthur and Willie's ability to make money was severely hampered by the interference of Doctor Quint (Angus Scrimm), who frequently blackmailed the two into obtaining corpses for free under threat of notifying the police of their activities. This blackmail continued for numerous years.
Willie and Arthur's career changed abruptly when procuring another corpse for Quint. Digging up a corpse buried at a cross-roads, the two were confused when they found a garlic wreath around the body's neck and a wooden stake in its chest. Arthur dismissed these things as superstition, and removed them against Willie's protests. Moments later, while the two were clearing their cart, the dead woman rose and walked away. Willie and Arthur attempted to flee, but came across the undead woman, who attacked Arthur. Willie was able to fend her off briefly with a shovel, and when she attacked him he managed to plunge the stake back into her chest, causing her to go immediately limp. Willie and Arthur delivered the staked body to Doctor Quint and departed quickly. The doctor removed the stake, awakening the undead woman, who killed him.
Freed of their blackmailer and now aware of a new market for their skills, Arthur and Willie shifted their career towards the supernatural side of grave robbing. During one such job (retrieving a body resembling a Grey alien) they were stopped by Cornelius Murphy, main spokesperson for the House Murphy, an infamous and vicious band of grave robbers led by Cornelius' unseen father, Samuel. Cornelius demanded the body at knifepoint; though Willie advised him to cooperate, Arthur refused, and the three scuffled over the body until it vanished in a burst of light.
At this point in Arthur's narrative Father Duffy asks him if he had any further encounters with the House Murphy. Arthur is reluctant to speak of the matter, but finally relents, discussing the next—and last—time he encountered the Murphys.
Drinking at a local pub with their new apprentice (and Arthur's girlfriend) Fanny Briers (some captions for the hearing impaired list the spelling as "Bryers"), Arthur and Willie received word from pub owner Ronnie about a possible job: a local mortuary had been reported as receiving crated shipments of the undead. However, their most recent shipment was incomplete, two of the crates lost in a shipwreck and believed to be located on a nearby island. The catch was that the mortuary had already hired someone to retrieve the missing undead: House Murphy. Willie and Arthur initially turned down the job, not wishing to cross paths with the Murphys, but at Fanny's insistence the two reluctantly agreed.
On the island the crates are guarded by Bulger, House Murphy's enforcer. Fanny slit his throat (to Arthur and Willie's surprise), then the three rounded up one of the undead, Willie suffering a bite during the effort. Before they could get to the second Fanny was killed by a knife thrown by Cornelius, who then tied the remaining two to the cage containing the captured undead. The two were only saved from death when the captured undead tore free of its cage and attacked Valentine, House Murphy's disfigured female assassin. Cornelius attempted to save Valentine, only to be attacked by the second undead. Willie and Arthur freed themselves, then escaped in the confusion. Afterward the two argued bitterly over the botched job, resulting in the end of their partnership, and friendship. A week later the two were arrested.
At the conclusion of the tale Father Duffy asks whether it was Arthur or Willie who murdered Cornelius, but Arthur reiterates that the two simply left him to his fate. When Father Duffy expresses a surprising amount of anger at this, as well as the sentiment that Willie was "lucky" to have been killed before Duffy could meet him, Arthur realizes the priest's true identity: Samuel Murphy. The elder Murphy then attempts to kill Arthur with a mace, but before he can he is struck down by an unseen rescuer. When he is able to look up Arthur is surprised to discover his rescuer is Willie—more accurately, the decapitated body of Willie. Holding his head in one hand, Willie explains that the bite he suffered on the island seems to have rendered him undead following his execution. As the two make their way out of the prison cell Willie remarks that being undead is the best thing that ever happened to him, and even suggests that Arthur himself get bitten. When Arthur rejects the idea Willie claims he's starting to feel "ravenous", and jokingly chases after Arthur as they leave the prison.
Unknown to them, Cornelius rises from his underwater grave.
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